Brother and his wife fly out to help sister with newborn and chores for 3 weeks, leave early after nonstop criticism: ‘Our presence created more stress than relief’

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• When this brother and his wife agreed to temporarily move in and help care for his sister’s newborn and four-year-old, they expected sleepless nights, extra chores, and the general chaos that comes with a new baby. What they apparently did not expect was to become the targets of constant criticism while trying to provide free childcare and household labor for three straight weeks. 

  According to the brother, tensions started almost immediately after arriving, from being expected to buy and cook their own groceries while somehow still prioritizing the family’s needs first, to getting repeatedly corrected over how they interacted with the couple’s older child, no matter what they did.

• AITAH: I agreed to help my sister for 3 weeks with her kids, but I left after 2 weeks

  My sister just gave birth to her second child a month ago. She asked me and my wife to fly and stay at their home for 3 weeks to help with childcare and chores while she recovered and got used to being a mom of 2. I work from home and my wife does not work, so I reluctantly agreed. I was reluctant because I am going through a stressful period at work and my wife and I are on a break from trying to have our first baby after 3 unsuccessful tries last year. 

   

  I agreed because she seemed really anxious and has a BTS concert to go to soon (she needs someone to help her husband with the kids while she flies out to see the concert and fly back the next day). She and her husband are currently on parental leave for the next couple months.

• Even before my wife and I got to their house, she was texting me about how frustrated she was with her mother in law and my parents who were there before us because she expected them to do some chores. My sister complained about how she and her husband weren’t getting any rest at all since they had to “pick up the slack” on chores. I assured her we would do our best to help with chores and kids.

  
   

• My nightmare began as soon as we arrived. First, I didn’t realize they wouldn’t pick us up from the airport. They covered our plane tickets but we had to cover the $50 Uber from the airport to their house. When we arrived, she asked us to do our own groceries so we would have our own food because they prepared special food to sustain her breast milk production and she didn’t want us to eat it. When we started to cook our own food each day, she appeared annoyed at us and later on I found out that it’s because she expected us to ask her first if she and her husband needed anything before we “started doing our own thing”. 

• What initially sounded like a stressful but manageable family arrangement quickly started developing the exact kind of awkward tension that makes people count down the days until their return flight. The brother says every interaction began feeling loaded with unspoken expectations, where even basic things like cooking dinner or organizing groceries somehow became another opportunity for criticism. Meanwhile, his sister continued venting about previous relatives who had apparently failed to help “correctly,” which did not exactly make the couple feel optimistic about their own chances of surviving the full three weeks without conflict.

• Because we had to do our own groceries, their fridge got full and she complained about the fridge being full even though 98% of it was their food. My wife and I did all the chores each day, making sure their house was tidy every night, but my sister still was not pleased. 

   

  We spent all day with her 4 year old but my sister was constantly correcting my wife and I in how we interact with her 4 year old asking us not to reprimand her kid even when her kid was hitting us and saying some pretty mean things since she wanted her mom only. The kid disliked my wife so much that she lied to my sister that my wife punched her (she did not), and my sister confronted us about it. 

   

  My sister told me that it was okay if we wanted to leave early because our presence created more stress for them than relief, so after 2 weeks I decided for us to leave a week early because the situation felt like slavery.

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  via Unsplash+ (via A. C.)

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• My sister has sent me text messages after we left telling me how she doesn’t think my wife is good enough for me (because my wife apparently can’t do chores, wants too many breaks during the day from childcare and can’t take care of kids) and that there is something wrong with my wife since her 4 year old doesn’t like her. 

   

  I responded and gave her my opinions about her insane expectations on free help (she was so insistent on exactly how everything needed to be done that I had nightmares) and that I don’t need her opinion about my marriage. 

   

  She messaged me again telling me that I always twist everything and I’m acting like the victim here, and that I’m never there for her. I have not responded to her since her last message that was very hurtful. 

  -tokenhead27

• The story sparked strong reactions online, especially from people who felt the sister’s expectations crossed the line from asking for help into treating family members like unpaid live-in staff. Others sympathized with the stress of caring for a newborn but still felt the constant criticism and personal attacks made the situation impossible to sustain.

• _SmileCrocodile_

  NTA. Your sister wants unpaid employees there not familial help. She is entitled. I would have left earlier but kudos to you and your wife for sticking around that long.

  Also- why is she flying to a BTS concert so soon after giving birth? Shouldn’t she be home with her kids so she can acclimate to having 2 kids because apparently it’s too hard for her to do on her own?

• Lazy-Instruction-600

  Your sister is a rank hypocrite. She doesn’t think you should be permitted to checks notes EAT FOOD, but she can fly to go see a concert while she has family staying to take care of her chores like slaves. And how on earth are she and her husband ever going to get used to doing all of their own chores as a family of 4 if they demand family stay with them all the time to “pick up the slack”?! Whose slack? Because all the slack needing to be picked up is THEIRS. If she is well enough to FLY TO SEE A CONCERT, she can do her own chores.

  What a worthless user. And she is projecting about being a bad parent. She didn’t parent her older child and has instead created a monster who goes around hitting, kicking, and accusing grownups of assaulting her to get her way. I wonder where she learned that from? 🤔🤨

• Ophy96

  Did she have to Uber to the airport? (sarcasm)

  you're nta, she sounds mean

  also why is everyone obsessed with bts, no disrespect, I'm sure they're talented but I just cannot get into that kpop stuff.

• Reasonable-Sale8611

  Oh dear. You and your wife have had three unsuccessful tries at having a baby but you said yes to helping your sister with her newborn. I can't think of a more stressful and depressing job for your wife. Instant fail, unfortunately. Your poor wife.

• NerdOnTheStr33t

  Flying to a BTS concert and needing multiple branches of the family around to look after the house because she is struggling so much are not compatible with one another. 

  If she can get up and fly to a concert, she can do her own chores and look after her own kids. 

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• BAMintheBurbs

  NTA, your sister is a brat. I just had my second and got very little help. The transition from 1-2 is a lot better than 0-1. This is no contact worthy. And your 4 year old niece sounds like a delight too /s. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Why are they both on leave when they can alternate to delay needing childcare for the baby?

• For many readers, the situation stopped being about childcare or chores the second basic gratitude disappeared from the equation. Helping family during difficult moments is one thing, but constantly criticizing, micromanaging, and insulting the people volunteering their time tends to turn even the most supportive relatives into people desperately checking return flight prices.

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